post no.1 2010

this should be a simple post.. not really in the mood to beautify things.. got some project i'm working on right now. very important and i have to finish it earlier so that changes can be made..

newayz i had brunch at this restaurant at pudu this morning... their dim sum did not have a vast variety compared to others but enough to satisfy and there's this new stuff that i tried ordering.. friggin delicious >.<

inside, is creamy avocado cream and on the outside is coconut milk made into vermicelli-like texture... the taste? orgasmically heavenly creamy and sweet...

the typical hongkie prawn chee cheong fun.. most of it contains prawns!!

my fav dim sum: yam n pork..

it seems like i have far too many fav dim sum..

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btw, will reveal the project once i'm done.. with my butter fingers, it seems like nothing is possible.. and i hurt my nail doing it.. -__-

I dont think you know..

It has been 3 and a half months since i blogged.. and everytime i read someone else's entry, i felt like writing one.. but what to write when i dont have the inspiration like theirs? I no longer have the time to put nicely done pictures here to update my friends about me, because plainly, my life has been taken over by just work. Yes, i know i shouldnt let it take over. i totally have no time and energy to even go online on some days.. by the time i got home, i either go for sports (to reduce my increasing weight) or just rest and chill out at home. Which i think most working people do.

I'm really drained from all those work and responsibilities i put on myself but i do a little enjoying here and there rather than just going online all the time. I know this blog, is still so so ever important to me. Its meant to record my memories that i wanna remember back later on. I'll still update this whenever possible..

I've not been up to the best of mood the past few days due to some reasons. It aches to see someone sleeping so soundly... I know this sounds weird.. but the thing is that someone is sleeping at the wrong time. It made me feel so insignificant, disposable at the same time. Trouble can be shed just like that - i really didnt know..

ah, btw, my eye is really painful from an eye infection.. prolly i got it from the patients since now is the conjunctivitis season.. >.< i'll update when i'm feeling better..

see ya all..

Its been a trillion years..

Indeed.. It's been a gazillion years since i've written anything here. Prolly i shud explain myself (eventhough i think no one else asks why anymore.. )

Since the 1st of June i was given a position of being the incharge-pharmacist in the Jempol district. From being a noob in managing public health clinic (7 clinics in my district) to being the incharge person in a matter of 9mths. It might sound like a long time for any of u out there but i believe i'm still learning till today. I was given no choice but to take that position no matter how much i dont want it. It should actually be given to someone more senior than i am (by 1mth). I knew since the beginning that there's nothing but negative things by taking this position.

It might sound nice and something to be proud of but wait.. Its not. Pay is the same but work is more.. dont mention the stress that comes with it. If i were just someone who works under the person in charge, i wont need to go for meetings, prepare statistics, manage my workers, make sure the stock is always enough, make sure the budget is properly utilised to the maximum, get scolded for nothing, face the other nasty head of departments, etc etc.

Alright, enough of my side of the ugly truth... the thing i learn from all these is to be strong and even if others condemn in what i do, i have to learn to ignore. Even if u've given it all, u cant satisfy everyone. On top of that, if u have any co-workers that arent that competitive or couldnt be any help at all, that's when your headache comes. First, u have to pick up the jobs they left half done, then tell them nicely they somehow left their job halfway while making sure that they will learn from their mistake. Sound easy? Its sort of like feeling pissed off but at the same time u have to maintain your cool while maintaining your rationale..  believe me.. its not easy, especially for girls..

Well, surviving through it all, then KKM slap my face with opening a methadone program (addiction therapy program) in a short span of time. Due to them wanting to achieve some statitistics to show the world that they are indeed doing something, we, the ones who work for them, have to oblige to extra workload. Imagine only 2 pharmacists running a Methadone clinic at the same time - meaning we are oncall every alternate week. BUT, that wasnt satisfying enuff for KKM, i was questioned from that level, why i didnt wanna open another clinic??!!

Yes, i was shocked out of pants why they could ask that question. If i were to open another addiction clinic, that means that i wont be able to take leave fo 365 days. Even a small kid could figure why i couldnt handle so much.

I totally have no self-time. If yes, i'd rather spend it on relaxing.. because most of working time, i work myself to the max. I drive everyday to work now since there's no one to car-pool with soon. And driving doesnt mean 10 or 20 minutes. It takes 1.5 hours to reach my clinic from the place i stay and the road there is like uphill ride. Ppl do ask why i dont stay there.

Answer is simple -  i prefer staying in seremban because everything is settled there. I dont want the hassle of moving again; and i dont wanna stay in a god-forsaken place. That place is full with addicts and more crimes that u can ever hear of. Why is crime so rampant there? Cos most of the ppl there are facing financial problems plus, the main job there is farming and agriculture. When you have done your work and got nothing else to do, the only thing that comes to their mind is either to get addicted to some drugs or to find the extra money to survive. Do u think that FELDA and FELCRA are doing enuff for these ppl in the outskirts? Most of them are still jobless the last time i heard. They are not educated as well.. - because the teachers themselves arent well-mannered themselves. How do u expect their students to learn any positive values from them? One of the teachers that i've met, is cocky and demands for medicine that is of no use to her and claims that we are being rude by just giving her 1 tub of cream. Her only condition was just itchiness on skin. We're not santa claus and the budget that we get is not always enuff. When explained, we're being accused of numerous things which include - we used the money on ourselves (buy what? buy underwear isit?); we are reminded that they are tax-payers too (i havent tell them i do pay tax too, prolly more than them -_-); we're too stingy and always causing problem to them because the came from far away (if they come from far away, what about me?)

Well, i'll always never understand the population that lives there.. I certainly did try my best in my work so that equality exists between me and my co-workers. I dont like double standard (no matter what position they hold). Responsibilites should always be on me because i'm representing the pharmacist profession. No matter how much i hate this position right now, i'll try to like what i'm doing because my conscience must always be fulfilled.

I work not for my superior nor for the statistics nor i wanna prove to anyone that i'm capable. I only work for the people.

Intention is simple - i want them to benefit from the role of a pharmacist.

Disposal of memory..

Do u sometimes wish that u cud dispose off memories that always haunt u over and over?

if u do, how do u do it?

if u ever know the answer to this, i wish that u could tell me how. really in need to dispose someone else's memories of things that could never be corrected or feel remorse over anymore. its causing suffering to themselves and also of others. eventhough its easier said than done, but i truly believe if u hold to the thought that what could never be corrected in the past, will never be corrected in the future. feeling remorse is just a waste of energy and saps all the emotions in u away making u feel so empty.

i know its now easy. but this is what i could do at least.... at least let something for u to hold on to while trying all your best to let go of things that is out of your control...

i dont know the actual solution, but i think time is our only answer for the mean time.....

let time decide.

Third world vs first world

Before i started working in Bahau, all i could see was civilisation around me. I'm a girl who was born in the heart of KL. It never occur to me that one day, i'll be working in such a place so ulu..

there are things which u hear from ppl, but how true could it be? you'll never know till u're in it..

there's this ex-worker in this district, she was nearly raped. why? she's supposed to stay in the quarters provided but somehow, she was denied of staying there by the previous director of the district. no reason was given, and ironically, her boss never fought for a place for her to stay. hence, she had to rent some shabby house in the middle of palm oil/rubber estate. you can never expect a lavish brick house in such areas. there's a night where someone broke into her house, and nearly raped her (her clothes were ripped off) but luckily, she shouted loud enough. her neighbours heard and the rapist ran away.

imagine if that rapist is HIV positive?

now, u tell me, what is the boss doing to protect her own worker's welfare? NOTHING. being a woman herself, she know the danger lurking around that place. fyi, the director is a woman too.. when they mention about protecting their own ppl, its total bullshit.

another instance of bad worker welfare around a third world country: knowing that the swine flu is not widespread, triage counters are being set up to screen suspected patients. here, in my clinic, the counter was set up under some parking shelter. The weather currently is super hot-can-die... the head nurse, puts her nurse so sit there for the whole day just to wait for patients to come. no fan was provided while the head nurse stays in the air-conditioned room doing some paperwork.

i never liked the idea of asking another for help eventhough i'm their superior. if i could do it, i'll never ask for help. and if i dont like the idea of doing such job, there's no point asking another person working under you to do it. the reason is simple.. no one wants to do the dirty job.

this is the difference:-

the first world would always protect the welfare of their workers. the third world would use their workers till they die. and when they die, there would always be a 'replacement'.. prolly they might do something about it..

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to be continued... due to sleepiness..

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will not be continued since TSM is super busy with something else.. but will write other stuff soon..